You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
