He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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