Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
