she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
