I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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