I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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