guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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