Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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