oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think your dad took our porno
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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