the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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