Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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