first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
