I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Boobs are out for the taking
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize