I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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