Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
