she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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