3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just found a bag of teeth...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
