I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
