I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
