if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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