he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
