that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
