Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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