I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
