hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
