ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
