Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
