Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This girl is more easily done than said...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
