Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's just like the Real World with babies
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Enjoy the penises
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
