Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
