Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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