Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
