Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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