Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
