you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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