i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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