If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
