Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
