Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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