I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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