So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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