i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
