they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
