ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
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I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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