So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
