i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
