So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
