this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
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I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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