I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
