Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
