Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
