Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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