I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
