I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
