apparently the secret to your success is patron
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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