i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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