Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
