dude i'm inner monologue high
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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