I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
