96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize