I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
