It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
