im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
