he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
