Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
