The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize