I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
