when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
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This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
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He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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