Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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