They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
