apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
