you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
