you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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