Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
