True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
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whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
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CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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